Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
