I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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