Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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