just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
