I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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