Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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