i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
