and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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