dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
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Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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