So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
