Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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