Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
