I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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