I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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