I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
