At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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