I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
