so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
