I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
