I should be sponsored by Trojan
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i believe in u and ur pee
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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