so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
