I have demons in me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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