Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
