Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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