Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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