My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize