I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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