Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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