but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
