why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
