Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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