just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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