She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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