it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
