I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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