Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
