sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
vagina is talking i cant
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
