I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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