this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
