Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
