you traded sex for a burrito?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
