sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
