you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
