it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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