mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
