I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
