This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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