why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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