If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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