Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I need a beard to bite.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
