We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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