Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My balls are so social today.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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