He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
