I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
