walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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