i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
