everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
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You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
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Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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