i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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