cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
