If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
