fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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