I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
