Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
