Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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