So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
