that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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