how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
