woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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