I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
