remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's Friday. Sex?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
